Are You Saying “No” When You Really Mean “Yes”?

Do you ever find yourself saying “No!” when you really mean YES !?

We’ve all done it. Sometimes it’s really obvious…Like saying “No” to a babysitter when you’re secretly dying to have a break from the kids. Or “No” to a lending hand when you had just been thinking about how you’d love a bit of help.

And sometimes it’s a little more subtle…

For example, a Mentor Client of mine I have a client who complained that she never got any support from her husband. And yet, when she looked a little closer, (and was really honest with herself) she began to notice that whenever he offered to do something for her, like doing the dishes, carrying the shopping bags…She refused! She reacted with that well-worn phrase “No, it’s OK, I can manage.”

So you have to ask yourself…What if by saying “No”, you’re actually ‘blocking’ what you most want in your life?

Seems crazy right? I mean why on earth would we say ‘NO’ when inside we’re screaming ‘YES….please!!”

Well we all have different reasons of course. And that’s why it’s so important to get underneath your ‘No’, so you have the power to say “Yes” again.

For my client who was preventing her husband from supporting her, her “No’ was because somewhere in her unconscious mind she had the belief that she should be able to do it all herself. There was a fear that if she didn’t do it all, then maybe she wasn’t ‘good enough’ or ‘competent enough’.

So instead of saying yes to the support she so desperately wanted (and resented her husband for not giving) …Time and time again, she put her superwoman pants and did it all herself!

With a little coaching on this, she understood 3 very important things:

  1. He actually WANTED to support her.
  2. When she let him support her it was a win win! She got the support she needed but also, he got to ‘win’ with her! (Men LOVE winning don’t you know!) And he got to provide for her…Another thing that makes a man feel great in a relationship.
  3. She also discovered that no-one thought she was less competent, or less of anything for receiving this support. It had all been in her head. And it was about her loving herself, whether she needed support or not.

And she soon began to LOVE receiving his support. And noticed how it not only lightened the load for her, it also brought them closer, giving her the connection she wanted with him, and increased the passion in their relationship.

Remember masculine + feminine =  Shazam! More passionate loving!

Another woman client of mine desperately wanted to experience more pleasure in lovemaking with her husband and yet whenever her partner tried to give her pleasure (which he really loved to do and wanted to do), she resisted.

With a little coaching she worked out that underneath her “No” was a guilt she felt about sexual pleasure, plus a feeling of obligation to be be giving him pleasure, not the other way around. What she didn’t realize of course, was that one of her greatest feminine gifts in lovemaking is her pleasure. And so once she was able to relax and fully receive his pleasuring…Well, needless to say, he was a happy man! She was pretty happy too!!!

So what about you?

What do you want more of in your life right now?

Where might you be blocking it?

Here are 3 Easy Ways to Receive More of What You Want:

1. Self Awareness! Catch Yourself in the Moment of ‘Blocking’

This might be tricky at first, but persist. At first you might notice it after the fact. That’s fine. Pretty soon you’ll start catching yourself in the act of ‘blocking’.  And there lies your power to make a different choice!

2.  Notice what you feel in your body

When you do catch yourself in the act of saying “No” to something you actually really want, take a moment to notice…What do you feel in your body? Does your breath clamp down? Does your jaw tighten? Does your body become tense in any way? These are all signs of tension caused by internal incongruency. i.e. your conscious mind wants one thing but your unconscious mind (which drives all your behavior) wants another.

3. Rehearse How You Want to Respond

A great way to train your body-mind to choose a congruent ‘Yes!” when you want to is to  take a couple of minutes before you go to bed, to review your day and notice all the times you said “No” when you wanted to say “Yes”. Then imagine the same scenario and imagine yourself saying “Yes” this time. But don’t just image in with your head. Really feel it in your body and magnify it with your senses…What can you see, hear, feel, taste smell when you say a congruent ‘Yes!”

Within a few days you’ll notice a BIG difference in your ability to say Yes when you mean Yes!

Slo now I'd love to hear your take on this!

So tell me…

  1. Have you ever found yourself blocking what you most want to receive? If ‘yes’ what have you ‘blocked’ and how did you overcome it? (Or is it still a problem?)
  2. What would you really love to receive more of in YOUR life right now? Love, support, compliments, pleasure, intimacy, praise..??? (Go on..Inspire us & share it here)

This is a big issue for a lot of women so I thank you in advance for sharing your thoughts and ideas in the comments box below.

Much love,

 

PS …And remember to share this page with other women you feel might benefit from a little more ‘receiving’ in their life!

PPS Need help but not sure where to start? Click here and send me a personal message


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